English in year 9

English in year 9

I seem to be on a bit of a journey into my school days recently. I can remember a lot of my lessons and what happened from year 10 onwards. Years 7-9 seem to blur together somewhat. Most of them seemed crap these days and not really relevant. However, there is one exception to this. That was English in year 9 where I learnt absolutely nothing thanks to the stupidity of the school and recruiting teachers who could not cope with 13-14-year-olds.

But let's start in September. My first English lesson of the year and it was Mr. Rowley who was teaching us. Oh yes, the assistant principal that students complained about being too aggressive but managed to get away with it every-time. Oh, incidentally I was put in the set with loads of cool kids. Yes, it was one of those classes.

Everything was going okay until we had the first English lesson that was LAST period on a Friday. Mr. Rowley was clearly tired and fed up and when someone did something slightly bad (not on the really bad scale) he would lose it and we would all suffer. I don't really think we learnt anything on a Friday except how bad Him/Her (whoever got shouted at) were and how they were crap and they would be heading out to loserville etc...

He really needed to calm down.

Anyway, after Christmas, we got a new teacher (Rowley was still in the school he probably had enough of the class). And for the life of me, I cannot think of his name. I know he was Welsh but that's it. Anyway... He didn't scream or shout but he couldn't really control the class. He did okay but I don't think I really got anywhere. He lasted until Easter (then quit. Probably because of the class). Then the real fun begins.

They decided to give us two teachers instead. One was South African called Miss Van .... (once again the name escapes me) and Mrs. Golding. Who was either Russian or Italian? Can't remember. But let's start with Miss Van. She took us for all but last period on a Friday. And by god was she bad. She could not control the class and would just try to plow through without success. I remember one incident when she was persuaded to take the class onto the field by the cool kids (very stupid idea) and then half the class buggered off to have a smoke... where they were caught by Mr. Rowley. Of course.

And then there was Mrs. Golding who I actually had for two lessons. There was history where she just covered the same topics we had done earlier in the year. oh and the class was total chaos as well. Now to be fair My tutor group was not known as the bad one. So when the class got fire extinguishers out and no-one would do any work you know when you are beaten. And once again there was English Period 5 on a Friday where we had to resort to beg our spanish teacher not to let us go because we knew how bad it would be. It was the worst chaos ever. And she would just sit there and let it all happen. Well at the beginning she would try and teach but by 2pm (the lesson started at 1.55pm) she knew it was over. Occasionally there would be a member of senior management who would come in but for the most part, the music and the shouting would take over.

And I would just sit there bored and wondering if I had learnt anything this year. Maybe not in the subject but maybe I grew up. I saw how boring it was. And also I decided I never wanted to be a teacher. Never ever.

(On a final note Miss Van and Mrs Golding were gone by the time I started year 10. Pity really)

Virgin Trains First class- my experience

Virgin Trains First class- my experience

So in July 2016 I went on my annual holiday to West Yorkshire (I also went north but that's another story). But for a treat (because I thought I had worked really hard this year) I decided to take a Virgin Train in first class!! (In July 2015 I went with cross country from Farnborough Main to Manchester costing £143 (open return) and in October I went with Virgin east coast (kings Cross to Leeds) costing me £20 return (very special deal)).

The website was easy enough for me to navigate and I managed to book my tickets for £95.00 (return NON refundable). Now with the promise of free food and access to the first class lounge I was excited. The trip was to London Euston to Manchester Station leaving at 13.20 and arriving at  15:28. I arrived quite early and went to the lounge where they check your tickets. However mine was only glanced at (I suppose they have so many people come through on first class at euston that they don't bother. There was free food and drinks on offer but since I didn't want to spoil what I thought would be a full lunch I decided to just have a drink. The free cans of Pepsi they had should had been a warning sign of what was to come.

Just look at the pathetic size of that....

anyway (I should have snuck them out) I left the lounge and got on the train (Virgin trains don't have ticket barriers they still have staff.). And guess what. There was someone in my seat. That is one of my biggest bug bares. However I declined to say anything and sat down next to the git just to make a point and got my laptop out (Free Wifi on board first class as well,) However it took me a while to connect but I believe that was due to my laptop being an idiot rather than virgin so I won't hold it against them. While the laptop issues were going on I was offered free tea or coffee but since I drink neither it wasn't my problem. What I did notice was the quite good leg room but the seats were exactly the same as cattle class just with a fancy logo on the top.

Yep. Same as Cattle Class

Anyway back to the wifi- Due to the 'fair use policy' there was no video or audio streaming allowed. It was basically just checking your emails etc. FFS. In the end I just watched the apprentice on itunes which I could had done in cattle class. 

The train only has 3 stops. After leaving London at 13.20 we arrived at Milton keys at 13.50 and then it was a 50 minute journey to the next stop. During this time they served the food and drinks which I was VERY excited about. and It turned out to be hugely disappointing. The drinks were once again the small cans that you got in the first class lounge and you could have a maximum of two!! The choices were

Chicken, salad and lemon mayonnaise sandwich (hate mayo so no)

Cheshire cheese, crunchy carrot and chutney wrap (v)

Deli snacks (v)

Tuna nicoise salad (gf) (egg basically so no)

so in the end I had the wrap- you got a free piece of fruit as well (I got a banana) and a choice of a very small bag of nuts or pretzels. I was not impressed. The food tasted fine it was just disappointing to see the amounts.

But I suppose it was free and it did taste nice so I shouldn't complain that much.

On the train back on the friday I got the 11.35 train. However I went to the first class lounge at Manchester Piccadilly. This was much smaller and only seemed to have one member of staff running it. However she was very friendly and checked my ticket correctly which I did like. Also because it was smaller and had less people it meant I could watch bbc one properly which they had on. It was a pity that it was homes under hammer but beggers can't be choosers. After having my two cans of Pepsi (yes the same size etc) I left in plenty of time to get on my train and get my seat (which this time turned out not to be an issue).  The usual tea/coffee was offered just after we departed.

Since this time it was earlier in the day the menu choices were different

Bacon roll

Fresh fruit salad (v) (gf) with optional yoghurt and honey

Slow roast tomato and basil soup (v) (gf)

Plus a biscuit, chocolate or fresh fruit (v)

Now I was hoping to have the food in the middle part of the journey aka after we left Stoke (since it was direct to London from there). But no. We were given the food quite early on in the journey. I had the bacon roll which was disappointing plus the chocolate biscuits (which was two chocolate cookies). pretzels, a lemonade (in another tiny can) and of course a pepsi (which of course was tiny as well).

Arrived at euston at about 1.40pm.


So how do I rate first class
First Class Lounge- quite nice but over busy in London.
Free Wifi- Good for emails, but no video streaming (oh and they won't allow you to check the speed)
Free Food - Okay food- drink sizes a joke.

Overall- If I had gone in cattle class it would have cost me £44. My first class experience was £95.00.

I think I will stick to cattle class. I can just bring my own food and read a book. Its only a train journey after all.

My Apprentice awards

My Apprentice awards

You're Fired!!!

Over the past 11 series the Apprentice has been one of my favourite shows. From the loudest woman in Britain (Saria Khan) in series 1 to Trickie Dickie (Richard Woods) in series 11, I have loved the show. And so in honour of it I have done the apprentice awards!!! These are totally biased and my own point of view so thats life.

Best/worst villains

Every series has one. THAT candidate who the public sees as so EVIL that they have to go every week. And yet they don't which actually makes the show watchable because you get obsessed with watching them!! Here are my top 5.

                         5- Selina Waterman-Smith (Series 11)

Just that curl of her mouth alone...

Selina got a bit of a bad reputation on the show. She actually was quite good as Project Manager (twice) but when she wasn't PM she could be a pain. At times she seemed negative and unwilling to go the extra mile. Her feud with Charlene (One of my favs from series 11) didn't do much to help the image when she made comments like (I don't know how she has a business at all). Also her comments on twitter about Claude being  jealous of her hair were ridiculous and quite frankly I think Lord Sugar was glad to see her gone. Incidentally she was the first candidate to openly refuse to go on your fired (Ella Jade from series 10 also didn't appear on the show but that was due to a family Bereavement.

                                  4- Syed Ahmed (Series 2)

(Best Wham Voice- Bad boys stick together)

I was never sure what to make of Syed. Yes the way he acted in tasks made him a villain (100 chickens, the car task, the way he spoke to Sharon, nearly ruining the final for Michelle etc). But god help me he happened to have talent as well. His top PMship in week 3 with negotiating and buying was very good and even selling to the trade in week 8 with those oil cans was a truly impressive feat. But the bad outweighs the good and when he was fired in week 10 his time had come.

                            3- Michael Sophocles (Series 4)

The Smug look on his face says it all...

Series 4 is not a vintage year of the apprentice. In fact many fans consider it to be the lowpoint of the shows history. And this man had quite a lot to do with it. He shouted when he lucked in a win as PM (nothing to do with him quite frankly). He lied about the idiotic advertisement he was at least 50% responsible for (casting Sian Lloyd as a mother????) he hard sold cakes at a wedding fair (where the soft sell was the right approach) and then in the boardroom he did nothing but beg Lord Sugar for another chance. AND GOT IT! Innocent candidates like Raef, Sara and to a lesser extent Jennifer Maguire fell before him before Lord Sugar in week 10 finally saw the light.

2- Katie Hopkins (Series 3)

Aka The DEVIL!!

Now before everyone jumps down my throat I would like to say that I am basing this SOLELY on the apprentice and nothing about afterwards. If was about being in the media then she would win by miles. But on the show she was only mild (compared to now) She spoke terribly about her fellow candidates (Adam, Kristina- at one point she wanted her to die basically) about her products that she was selling (Rug in boxes) and even the public (people who watch the shopping channel). But she did add value to the team and was a very good pm and could act professional on the team so I will give her second on the list. I still hate her though. 

Honorable mentions

Series 1- Paul Torrisi

Series 5- Debra Barr, Ben Clarke, Philip Taylor, Lorraine Tighe

Series 6- Stuart Baggs, Melissa Cohen

Series 7 Zoe Beresford, Jim Eastwood. Melody Hossaini

Series 8 Stephen Brady

Series 9 Luisa Zissman

Series 10- James Hill

1- Jenny Celerier (Series 4)

I HATED YOU!!

You know when I was talking about series 4 being a lowpoint in the show. Well she also was a main reason why. She was incompetent in tasks, a bully to other contestants (Lucinda and Sara), came up with the worst greeting card idea ever (seriously a save our planet greeting card), did not know what Kosher is and tried to bribe a shop owner not to sell the other team some tennis racquets so her team could win. She was humorless and told lie after lie after lie in the boardroom and Lord Sugar was glad to see her gone. As was I.

Harsh Firings

We all know the ones I mean. That on paper were least deserving to go and yet they were fired??? Sometimes the show can stump people. And me.

                         5- Naomi Lay (Series 3 Episode 10)

She wasn't Anna Ford but still....

There are some candidates who can get through to the last few episodes by luck rather than skill (Laura from series 6 sticks in the mind) others sail through without much of a blip (Helen from series 7). Naomi was a middle of the road character. Yes she was awful as PM in week 3 but had pulled herself together by week 9 that she was a contender (well a bigger one than Lohit). Then the shopping on tv task happened and it was totally her fault apparently. I thought the art and crafts set she had picked for Simon to do was quite nice and it wasn't her fault if Simon had been a complete prat with the other item the Trampoline. Her past record in the final 2 weeks had been stronger than both Simon and Tre (hell Tre had used his get out of free jail card in the previous week). So personally I would have fired Tre instead of Naomi.

                         4- Glenn Ward (Series 7 Episode 7)

Don't tell him you're an engineer.

That wasn't really fair was it. In the design a magazine task Jedi Jim had done everything 100% WRONG from the pitches to changing the magazine font and picking the worst image than Glenn and Susan spent half a day getting of old folk (a couple hugging?? There was boxing and handstands etc). Yes Glenn was patronizing about the how to use a phone concept but I think there was bigger issues. And apparently Jim did 60% of the work. All of which was rubbish. And yet Glenn was fired simply because he was an engineer. (there is an argument that he wasn't the best candidate either but he was the only male to win as PM). Jim incidentally got off the hook. 

                    3- Miriam Staley (Series 1 Episode 10)

She was fired despite doing a good job??

The women of the first series of the apprentice were pretty rubbish weren't they. After week 6 out of seven women who started the series, two remained. Yes one did resign but lets be frank Adele was about to be fired anyway so that does count as being rubbish. Miriam like Glenn above her was the only member of her sex to win as PM (and did a really good job). However at her second go as PM she had the unfortunate experience of having Paul Torrisi on her team who did nothing but talk over Tim when she was trying to present and then proved to be rubbish himself. Miriam was even praised by the shopping channel (yes it was the very first of those tasks) for doing such a good job. And yet she was fired for not controlling Paul. Even Lord Sugar admits that he really should not have fired her.

                     2- Shazia Wahab (Series 4 Episode 2)

Apparently could not play the game???

Poor Shazia is one of the main reasons I HATED Jenny C in series 4. In the second episode of the series Jenny was the PM when they had to start there own laundry business. Jenny made so many mistakes- Giving the team a long sales talk which meant they left the house late, allowing her stupid financial team to pitch a £5000 deal to a hotel when they usually pay £200 for the service and then later pitch £15 for a service which was worth £60. Shouting at Lucinda for really no good reason apart from folding hankies and then when Sara spoke turning on her and then sending Shazia back to the house to get the irons even though she was the only one who knew the system of whose clothes were who in the washing machine. And then of course losing the clothes. Oh and holding a 7am meeting about how to give back clothes. 

Jenny then in the boardroom (unsurprisingly the girls lost) decided to blame Shazia for the lost clothes (even though the £50 was not the main difference between winning and losing) even though SHE sent Shazia back. Maybe Shazia should have spoken up more but still it was shocking when Shazia went instead of Jenny (incidentally Jenny also brought back Lucinda for no good reason either instead of Lindi and Jenny M who were the financial idiots). To this day I struggle to find a single person who agreed with this decision (apart from Lord Sugar).

Honorable mentions
Series 4- Sara Dhada, Raef Bjayou (both fired at the expense of Michael Sophocles)
Series 6- Joy Stefanicki (instead of Laura the useless PM?) Liz Locke (for not having a field of ponies compared to Stuart Baggs)
Series 9- Jenna Whittingham (instead of Stepehn Brady for a misjudged advert)
Series 10- Jemma Bird (instead of poor Pm Sanjay Sood-Smith)


                    1- Karen Bremner (Series 2 Episode 3)

So Lord Sugar prefers nutters to Lawyers

In the history of the Apprentice I have never seen such a firing come out of nowhere. She was the winning Pm in week 1 (but to be fair her tactics to get free fruit by flirting wasn't great). Then in week 2 she was brought in by useless Pm Nargis for no good reason and didn't speak at all (So if Lord Sugar didn't like her he should have fired her then and we would have had Nargis and Jo together in week 3). So in week 3 she was with PM Jo trying to by 10 items as cheaply as possible. Jo's tactics were to annoy the sub team as much as possible by saying that they could not buy anything without her say so which in the end they ignored and bought 7 out of the 10 items. Jo spent her time brooding about this and therefore Alexa (who was also in the car) had to buy the saffron which she proved to be nearly useless at and Karen to buy the dinner jacket. which she did eventually after faffing around for a while. (Jo bought nothing). Then came the tire situation. Karen spent her time on the phone trying to find a garage that A- had it in stock and B- wanted to be on tv. A wasn't the issue. B was. In the end they failed to get the tire. and the team lost.

Jo bought Karen and Alexa in and started to gabble on like a nutter and it seem inevitable that Jo was going, Karen was quiet but compared to Jo she couldn't get a chance to speak. However Jo went on so much that in the end Lord Sugar decided NOT to fire her and fired Karen for being a lawyer. And for letting Jo speak. That was it really. Nothing to do with the task itself. Awful decision and to this day it ranks as the harshest firing ever.

Most useless candidate

So sometimes the apprentice can bring out the best in candidates. Some like Yasmina, Ruth Badger, Joseph from series 11 etc. However sometimes it shows up the pure fallibility of others. Here are my top 5 most useless candidates ever.

                               5- Laura Moore (Series 6)

Good God. She made it to week 9????

There are some candidates who think they are fantastic then one bite of the PMship proves to them and the audience how utterly useless they are. Laura was Pm for the week 2 disaster where the girls team (minus Stella who had been put in charge of the boys team)had to design a new accessory for the beach. Unable to control the team she managed to design the worst product (at the time) the Book-Eeze

I wonder why it got 0 orders.....

Anyway the team kept talking over her making Laura cry instead of telling them to be-quiet. Then when it came to pitching, Boots (clearly having taken a lot of LSD over lunch) liked the product wanted exclusivity of it. Laura refused despite the rest of the team telling her what a good idea it was. They lost. And Laura even dithered in the boardroom because she thought the whole of the team were to blame instead of her. And Lord Sugar blamed quiet Joy instead of Laura who survived.

Laura took this as a sign to keep her head down but managed to Fuck up in the 4th week about doing exclusivity on products that were not hers which were kicked out of the boardroom (did she not watch series 4 or 5). Unfortunately her team won. Then when her team didn't win she was so liked (god knows why) that her teammates didn't bring her into the final three despite Lord Sugar gagging to fire her.  This finally happened in week 9 when she and Stella were working together and once again she fucked up over truffles using at a starting  point £200 to buy them when the fine for not getting them was £150. Now Stella for me was more to blame in the task for the failure but in the end Laura had to go for 9 weeks of being useless. she begged for another chance saying she had put herself forward as pm for the last 3 weeks and no-one had listened. Yeah maybe it was because of last time???

                           4- Jaz Ampaw-Farr (Series 9)

Big Smiles!!!!

Being a Pm in the first task is a big risk. You should use what skills and experience you have to apply yourself that will win you respect and win the task. Jaz's approach was to put herself as PM before she knew what the task was and then treat the rest of the team like five years olds by trying to motivate them (when she didn't need to). The task itself was to sell a huge crate of an assortment of goods (including mugs leather Jackets and Lucky cats) for the highest profit. Jaz's first GENIUS brainwave was to go to Chinatown in London at 8.45 in the morning to sell the cats. Two minor issues with that. Chinatown doesn't open until 10am. and also, I would not try and flog them anything because they probably buy lucky cats from china for below cost price. complete waste of time. yes they did sell them but at a very low price. Next huge mistake. She and her team decided to go to oxford street to flog the gear. (why? how many independent retailers are there in oxford street?). Amazingly she managed to find someone in a tourist shop who wanted to buy all the goods. Unfortunately he was only a member of staff and was not allowed to buy anything (his boss said no).

Final Mistake- after team lost (well that was a surprise) her own team turned on her and she called Lord Sugar 'man'. Instant sacking there. No big loss.


coming soon 3.2 and 1

Coming soon- Best winner and Best episode

Aston Villa- The lowest of the low

Well they have been preparing for the championship all year.

In 1992 the 22 top teams in the first division broke away to form the premier league. Only seven remain who have never left, They are Arsenal, Chelsea, Everton (though they have come close a couple of times to go down), Liverpool (though for a while I did think they would go down in 2010) Manchester United, Tottenham (though in 2008 it seemed for a few weeks that they would go down) and Aston Villa. The last team who was part of this group to go down was Leeds in 2004. Now unless a miracle happens Aston Villa will be leaving the premier league and I would be surprised if we see them again any time soon.

But how did Villa get into this mess? In 2010 they were a great club. Yes, they weren't a TOP club but they were steady and were in Europe. However, this is where it all started to go wrong. This is the starting point of the tale of woe.

Martin O'Neill, in my opinion, is an underrated manager who did one amazing thing at Celtic which makes him a legend. He kept Henrik Larsson there for seven years. (oh and he won loads of trophies as well). Then he did amazing things at Villa winning trophies (okay maybe just the Intertoto cup but that's still a huge achievement. However, in 2010 O'Neill sensed that Randy Lerner wasn't really wanting to dig much deeper into his pockets and could see what was about to happen and jumped off the sinking ship.

Villa went downhill without O'Neill to guide them. Gérard Houllier was chosen as the new manager but his heart issues were always going to be a major concern and he only lasted a season. Villa finished 9th in the 2010-2011 season thanks to a good run of form at the end of the season but sold big players such as James Milner in the process. 

The 2011-12 season was a huge disaster compared to the previous years. Signing Alex McLeish as manager was a huge mistake as he was hugely disliked from his time as Birmingham manager. They also sold key players such as Ashley Young and Stewart Downing which went down as well as McLeish. Nothing went right for the team or McLeish and they only just stayed up by two points. However, the tragic news about Stiliyan Petrov the captain being diagnosed with leukemia may have distracted the players towards the end of the season so there may be mitigating circumstances. 

So onto the 2012-2013 season and things could only be better right? Well sort of. Alex Mcleish was sacked (Not too many fans were upset about that) and Paul Lambert who was the manager of Norwich was brought in. They made a few good signings in the Summer such as Ron Vlaar and Christian Benteke. But all season they seemed to tread water and also leak goals. Despite Benteke Scoring 19 goals in the league they only came 15th one place better than the previous season. Alarm bells were ringing big time that Villa may be in big trouble.

Now onto 2013-2014 and Surely Lerner hears these huge Alarm bells going off and thinks Either A- I should invest in the club to make sure we do better or B- I should Invest in the Club and make sure I can sell it for a decent price and leave the club in a decent place. No. He heard none of these and did C- Do nothing and see what happens. The Result saw a decent start for the team descend into the usual losses for the team. Nothing really changed and they got the same result as the previous year. 15th. 

Surely now Learner can see what is going wrong and do A or B. Okay he does a little bit of A and brings in Cissokho a defender and Sánchez a midfielder to hopefully stop the team leaking goals in the 2014-15 season. However, that proved not to be the issue this time around. It was incredibly lack of goals that nearly did Villa in. Another Strong start descended into farce and by February Villa had gone 11 hours without a goal. The fans turned on Lambert after a dreadful performance against Hull of all teams and Lerner agreed and Lambert was sacked. In came Tim Sherwood who managed to steady the team and got them to the fa cup final (luckily coming across a Liverpool team who were beyond bad) however a sign of what was coming met them in the final when they lost 4-0 to Arsenal.

So onto this season and how did it start. Well, Club Captain Delph wanted originally to stay with the team but must have seen what was coming by the owner and fled to Man City doing his England chances no harm. The end was coming. Benteke was sold to Liverpool for £32 million and Delph was sold for £8 million. So who was brought in instead? The huge talents such as Scott Sinclair (who had been on loan anyway), Micah Richards (unwanted at Man City and Fiorentina anyway), a well past his best Joleon Lescott and a few players from the lower leagues of the French and Spanish leagues. The Result. A first-day win against Bournemouth was a huge red herring and following that loss after loss (yes there was a draw somewhere). Learner thinking Sherwood was the problem sacked in and brought in Rémi Garde. Garde had never managed a top flight team and it showed. Yes he won two games but the team looked bad and hopefully, Learner would have allowed him a couple of signings to at least give the fans some hope. Nope. Villa signed nobody in January and Learner put the club up for sale (A couple of years too late). Garde was unfairly sacked in March and the club is now in free-fall. I think the chairman is totally to blame (but the players could show more effort).

So Aston Villa. Doomed since 2010? Maybe. Do the fans deserve such a disgraceful fate. not a chance. Lerner should be disgusted with himself. But he won't care. they never do......